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Dracula on Netflix

by Louisa Klein

This show was really weird. I mean, it looks like different people wrote and directed it, but I’ve checked and it’s always the same people. So, this is a fiction of only 3 episodes whose quality is very, er… volatile, so to speak.

The first episode is a pure masterpiece. It’s something that everyone who wants to write horror should watch, it’s just perfect: Perfect pacing, perfect acting, perfect direction, believable characters, it has everything!
Things start going downhill with episode number 2, which is rather slow and implausible for the most part: It takes place on a ship where Count Dracula basically kills everyone he wants, sometimes in plain sight (the Duchess at dinner, in front of other guests?) and people keep talking about being scared, but they actually do not take any safety measures and, for instance, wander on the deck at night so that Dracula can eat them (the gay gentleman’s young wife). The one thing that boosts our curiosity a little is the Dracula being interviewed by sister Agatha (Van Helsing, yes, here Van Helsing is a nun with a lot of wit and a lack of faith in God). The story drags for over an hour, until our smart nun manages to lead Dracula into a trap and sink the ship with him in it, burying him in his coffin, under tons and tons of water. And one would say, all gods, right? There’s no way the count can get out of that place, sure? Sure, but … episode 3.

The last episode starts with Dracula being rescued by a mysterious organisation which is border line criminal but employs a number of idiotic women: We see one female scuba diver releasing Dracula who’s unconscious until she, for some unknown reason, puts one of her fingers in his mouth and he immediately bites it off, sucking the blood to revive himself. Then, he escapes but the descendants of Agatha manages to capture him (in spite being an idiot, contrary to her smart ancestor). Dracula is then closed in a glass prison which can be exposed to the sun if necessary, as a deterrent for him to do anything stupid but then … stupidity and nonsense strikes again and we have a 500 year old man who learns to use a pc and the internet overnight, without being taught, of course, and who Skyped with his lawyer after having found out that the wireless password is, hear me out, DRACULA! How original. These people working for this shady pharmaceutical company really know their stuff, don’t they? Well, it’s here that I stopped watching, so I can’t tell you how it ends, nor do I care. I watched all this yesterday evening and immediately switched to “The Adventures of Donald Duck and The Three Caballeros”, which was much more exciting and entertaining that Dracula, to give you the picture.

It’s a real pity, because the show itself had potential and the whole cast is beyond exceptional, even small parts are played by great actors, totally wasted on such a script.

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