Sooo… I really wanted to like this movie. I really did, was looking forward to it. And then I went to see it. And. It. Broke. My heart. I mean, I can’t believe this was written and directed by two women. It looks more like some written by a misogynistic man winking at a female audience whom he thinks are idiots and therefore easy to please. And I hope this imaginary man is wrong, or we are in big trouble. 

I’m a Marvel comic hardcore fan, but never read Captain Marvel, so I can’t really say anything about the comic and how the character is developed in it. Still, basing my judgment on the MOVIE ALONE, there’s more feminism in one finger of Storm of the X-Men, the Black Window in the Avengers, or the Black Cat Of Spider Man, than in the whole of Captain Marvel’s body, at least the way she is depicted in this movie. Still, this film got mostly praised and had just a little criticism coming from men who are impartial (and real feminists, kudos to you guys!) and even less women who refused to be fooled by this movie’s marketing campaign.Now girls, before you stone me death in front of the temple because I’ve disobeyed, please hear me out and read the bullet points below, listing why this movie isn’t a feminist one:

  1. The main character falls flat and without any personality, to a point that one thinks that they put her there just to gather consensus. Just pay attention: Carol Denvers tells no funny jokes (all the humour is given to Nick Fury/Samuel Jackson who, of course, he’s a man, therefore allowed to be funny). We know absolutely nothing about her as a person, besides the fact that she above all wanted to be a pilot and that she got bullied as a kid because she wanted to do boys activities. Apparently, she also never had a male romantic interest, only a very close female bst friend. Which makes me think that she’s soon going to come out as a lesbian, because a girl who likes baseball and hates dolls, of course can only be gay, right? Straight women are supposed to be all about dolls, make-up and motherhood, no exception allowed.
  2. Carol accepts passively everything that she is told by the Krees, specifically, by her Kree boss who happens to be male (Jude Law, whose talent is totally wasted here). If you pay attention, you’ll notice that after her accident, the Krees wiped her human memories, WITHOUT REPLACING THEM WITH FAKE ALIEN ONES. Said accident happened only six years before on Earth, which means that she recollects only the last six years of her life (or whatever time has passed on her new planet, still not much) AND NOTHING ELSE. Still, that doesn’t seem to bother her at all. Seriously. Captain Marvel doesn’t remember 90% of her life, but that doesn’t seem to bother her, AT ALL. She doesn’t investigate her past, she doesn’t even wonder about her past. She just accepts passively what her MALE boss tells her, without questioning ANYTHING. 
  3. Carol not only falls flat, but she’s given no charisma at all. We could have a robot playing her part and it’d be the same. I’ve never seen any other movie starring Brie Larson, but I’m told she’s a good actress. Still, the material she was given here is so poor, that she doesn’t really focus the attention on her, I mean, when a ginger cat is more charismatic than the main character and the audience starts wondering about said cat’s backstory, then you have a problem. A huge one. The whole thing is far too openly preachy. Apparently, these writers never heard of the “show, don’t tell” rule. Like two diligent, professional and rather boring school teachers, they seat you down and proceed to explain why men and women are to be considered equal and how badly women are discriminated, especially when they want to do “a man’s job”. I do appreciate your good intentions, but maybe you could make it a little less boring and obvious, don’t you think? Maybe start giving your female lead a strong personality, some decent jokes, and inquisitive mind, all things that she tragically lacks in this story. Then, you could slip in some hints in the dialogue, for instance Fury could be protective of Carol and being rebuffed, shown that she can very well take care of herself. Or maybe one of her male alien colleagues could be patronising her and be silenced with a snarky joke. The possibilities are endless. Just please don’t put me through a montage of her childhood and early youth where she gets bullied by boys and young men but resists in spite of everything. 
  4. Overall, the movie has no pace, giving you random action scenes interjected by predictable and stale dialogue. It also carries a massive plot hole: Why would the Krees invest so much and so many resources to hunt and torment the now planet less and penniless poor Skrulls? It doesn’t make any sense! It is clearly stated that the Skrulls got exterminated by the Krees, without really explaining why, and that only a few thousands still survive in the galaxy, not owning anything slightly valuable to the Krees, not posing a threat to them or anyone else. Still, the Krees insist on using their resources, time and alien money to hunt the Skrulls around the galaxy. Please, people, tell me why! 

My impression is that no one really made an effort to produce this movie, knowing that all they needed to do was to hire a couple of random women to write it and stick a female MC in it, so that it’d be a “feminist film” somehow taking advantage of the #metoo movement’s wave. How sad. Once again, women have let men exploiting and deceiving them. 

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